Episode 21: Understanding Hoovering – The “Reformed Partner” Tactic

Hoovering is one of the most confusing and emotionally destabilizing behaviors that can occur after the end of a toxic or emotionally abusive relationship. In this bonus episode, I break down what hoovering really is, how it shows up, and why the “reformed partner” version can be especially convincing.

Many survivors are drawn back in not because they are weak, but because hoovering is designed to activate hope, empathy, and unfinished emotional bonds. When a former partner appears self-aware, apologetic, or suddenly “changed,” it can create deep internal conflict especially if you’ve spent a long time waiting for accountability.

This episode is about clarity over confusion. I explore why hoovering happens, how the reformed-partner narrative works psychologically, and how to tell the difference between genuine change and emotional manipulation without shame, blame, or self-judgment.

In this episode, I cover:

• What hoovering is and why it happens
• How the “reformed partner” tactic works
• Common hoovering behaviors disguised as growth or accountability
• How to protect your healing and boundaries without guilt

If you’ve ever thought:

“They finally get it.”

“Maybe this time will be different.”

“What if I’m walking away too soon?”

This episode offers language, perspective, and grounding, not fear.

You don’t need to prove anything.

You don’t need closure from the person who caused the wound.

And you don’t need to re-enter a dynamic to validate your healing.

Listen with discernment, and trust what your body already knows.